Baby Love

The sermon today that I heard has me soooo fired up!  I can’t wait to explore my notes and journal everything!!!  However I had a few moments with my babes today I want to capture so I don’t forget.

#1 (This actually happened a few weeks ago but since I’m remembering…)  Putting Brandon to bed he was telling me about a boy who had been mean to him in class.  He was asking me what to do and I told him he could try to stay away but that he needed to forgive him.  “Ok” he replied and then asked me what he should do if the boy was mean to him at recess or in other areas I responded with “You need to keep forgiving him”  to which he smiled rolled over and peacefully went to sleep!  No bitterness, no retaliation, no frustration or fear -Oh to have my 6 year olds mature response to being sinned against!!!

2) Today as I laid in bed with Brooke for a Sunday afternoon nap she was more than happy to cuddle up with her mom.  She stroked my face and then whispered in my ear – “Mommy we are getting our beauty sleep”

3) Finally this was frosting on the cake of an awesome day – especially after a brutal week spiritually not just for me, but my friend as well.  I was sitting on the couch after having just fed Jason.  He looked straight at me with wide eyes and gave me a BIG SMILE!  It was my first one and I completely melted I was in baby heaven!!  All afternoon I just kept staring wanting to see it again and hugging both boys over and over.   I couldn’t help but make the connection that God feels the same   even more compassion towards his children as I do toward mine.  Just like a baby I am completely defenseless apart from his help, I’m so consumed with staying alive, so ignorant of the depth of his help and love, rarely am I able to see past my needs to gaze upon him – yet I am so loved.  And when I finally for a  brief second take in His love and reflect it back with my own – I am sure He is there cooing and adoring every second of it! 

Isaiah 49:15

Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you!

I’m overwhelmed with love right now! Thank you!

 

 

Postpartum

It’s been two weeks since Jason and Nathan have come into my life.  I’m sitting in the babies room they are sleeping next to me heads touching, Brandon, Brooke and Louie also are sound asleep in their rooms too.   Leading up to delivery and into the first week and a half  God’s protection and peace has been so real it was amazing.  He has calmed my mind, surrounded me with family and friends and overfilled my heart with love.   Last week a friend e-mailed me Psalm 91 which was perfect for me and I have memorized verse 1 and 2.  God knew that I needed it because beginning last night bits of fear, sadness, and anxiety have been knocking on my door.  I know my hormones are adjusting and I remember just how awful the postpartum experience can get.  With both B & B I had desperate moments feeling overwhelmed, scared and alone:(  But this time is different.  This time I know the Lord – and although the waves of emotions will come this time I have some where to go!!!  I have a refuge!!  Every time a scary thought comes my way I simply look up to the one who’s shadow I am sitting in and ask Him to take care of it – and He does!  I look now at these beautiful faces and thinking of the other souls in their beds and it is the greatest comfort to know that although I have been given the amazing joy and responsibility to be a wife and mother of them – they are not resting in my hands but in the hands of the mighty creator of the universe!  I sleep soundly tonight – well as soundly as I can with two babies;)

Sarah Grove “Great is Thy Faithfulness” song is on repeat!

Psalm 91:1-2

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.”

Dear Father in Heaven,

Nothing compares with the comfort of your unfailing faithfulness and presence.  I know that nothing will ever happen to my family that you haven’t allowed.  And even when pain or trials do come - I know you will always be right by my side.  I’m never alone.  I place all my cares in your hands.  To know that I am your child and that you are watching over my family is amazing.  Please let the farthest I ever go from you be your shadow!!!  I trust and rest in you!

My way:(

Not submitting to your husband is not submitting to God!  – However a godly wife is not a doormat.  Just as Jesus was in constant communication about His needs to the Father we can be the same! Step by step God is navigating me through how to walk through this marriage – and He’s definitely using it to grow my character! Just had a big lesson in becoming a better wife, going through it wasn’t fun but on the other end is great!   Awesome Resources (I should read and listen to over and over:) - Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas,  Tony Evans recent sermons called “Winning Back Your Mate”  – so awesome and funny!

Bible verse that I didn’t want to hear as I came to God looking for peace and help in my marriage in the midst of choosing my way instead of God’s (I had a very good excuse this time;) – Luke 6:46 “Why do you call me, “Lord, Lord,” and do not do what I say?…”  Ugh!

The perfect church?!?

I’ve left my church. I hate the idea of being a church -hopper. It makes me feel so un-loyal/un-dependable. I loved this special flock and know God is guiding and growing them, but God has a different place for my family and me it’s time for a move so we can all continue to grow. Yet it hurts and I am sad. I can’t even begin to describe the grief I have and continue to experience.   My whole life I have desired relationships, tight bonds, intimacy has always been my strength, and I’ve always turned to people for guidance. Now here I am – feeling distressed to say the least at my lack of community. I know God is with me and has given me strength and wisdom this far – I feel like it’s been a great season of intimacy and relying on Him. Yet deep down I hold on to the idea that this wound will be healed by a new church. A church with Bible studies abounding,  intimate fellowship overflowing, out of this world worship, preaching that forces me to grow daily, and basically a church full of souls on fire with the Spirit! Oh it sounds so perfect. Until yesterdayL – Yesterday was the first time we went to a new church. It’s one of many churches I’ve been interested in and the sermon hit home! — It was about how people get dissatisfied with their local church. LolJ How in a nut shell – there is no such thing as a perfect church because we are all sinners and works in progress. My favorite part was that he said you’ve probably heard the line – “If you find the perfect church don’t join it because you’ll mess it up.” The pastors changed it to say “If you find the perfect church don’t join it because you won’t grow there.”

On top of all this after talking with my husband after the service and learning what kind of church he wants to go to – I’ve come to the conclusion that where ever we end up – it’s not going to be anywhere near my vision. And that’s when the fear in comes and I am faced with the reality that another layer of sin is being revealed in my heart. As I look over Psalm 74:21-26 I can hear God speaking to my heart.

When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant;

I was a brute beast before you.

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel, and afterwards you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

This verse reminds me that I have taken my eyes off of Jesus and looked toward the church toward people as my refuge. The problem with this is people fail and are sinners – if I have idolized or made them my rock I am setting myself up for big problems. I know God has given me a gift of intimacy and will teach me how to use it without hurting others and myself by over dependence . But right now He’s disciplining and teaching me that ultimately He will guide me, hold me, and comfort me, and in the end take me to heaven. My need for intimacy starts and ends with Him. There is nothing wrong with fellowship with others – after all it was God’s idea. He will use the church to grow and comfort and speak to me and hopefully use me to help others. But the church cannot replace God! I cannot think that anything or person or group of people are perfect or will fill a hole that only Jesus was made for. How many times do I need to learn this?? I hope I have wisened up I really don’t want to be a fool over this anymore!!! God alone is my strength and my portion, He alone is my rock and my refuge. He alone deserves all the Glory – He alone can fill any need or desire I have. I am learning – I’m thick headed and need Grace more than ever but slowly I am learning – Thank you God for your Patience!!!  

(Ps – While I am in this transition help me to see the beauty of this special time with you!  Calm my mind and help me to fully enjoy and love my amazing husband, beautiful children(including the ones on the way) and help me to see moments when I can serve and receive your love!  You are so good to me!)

I think I made you too small

I just started reading The Knowledge of the Holy one area I underlined reads – “Left to ourselves we tend immediately to reduce God to manageable terms.  We want to get Him where we can use Him, or at least know where He is when we need Him.  We want a God we can in some measure control”  Lately that has been my walk.  God has been my soul doctor.  I go to Him in the morning to prep me for the day and when things start breaking I call on Him to fix it.  He always does – He’s the good Father and I’m so grateful He has taught me to run to Him in trouble.  But what about when things are ok?  What about seeking Him just to know Him more?  The song by Addison Road called “What do I Know of Holy” I am relating to.  Epshesians 3:19 “May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it  Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”  OOOOOh I want that!!

Addison Road – What Do I Know of Holy Lyrics

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees……

Bully Beatdown

Have you ever seen Bully Beatdown?  It’s a great show.  I’m not much of a kickboxing fighter fan, but something about the show I love.  There is usually a smaller wimpy guy that is always getting beat up by his bully.  The bully is usually double the size and completely humiliates and attacks the defenseless kid.  The one exception is in Bully Beatdown!  In Bully Beatdown the wimp hires a massive professional fighter to basically pummel the bully in a caged fight.  All of a sudden the tough bully becomes helpless and usually doesn’t last the round before tapping out and retreating.  It often reminds me of the struggle with our bully.  Although we all may have “enemies” or people that treat us badly - the true bully that we all fight daily lives inside of us.  The voice telling you you’re no good, you can’t overcome, the voice of pity, or pride, or defeat, or lonliness…  He’s always there pushing you around, kicking you when your down, – and laughing the whole time.  We can however have our own professional fighter to call in anytime we want – and He does much more than throw some knockout punches!!!  Check out Psalm 18:1-19  (I actually almost feel kind of bad for our bully….almost;)

Good stuff:)

Found the most amazing new song(actually I think it’s old, but it’s new to me!!)

“In the Light” by DC Talk  

Put it on go for a run or just clean your house it’s awesome!!!!

Also found a good video by the skit guys I love them:)     http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=7Z67KGNX